This isn’t my usual type of post, and I’m not really sure what prompted me to write it, but here I am…typing away.
My mom and I were talking with a friend tonight when we ended up on the subject of men. Don’t worry, we weren’t gossiping — well, at least not much — but we were sharing our thoughts and opinions about men and what we look for in them (or, in the case of my married mother, what we appreciate in them).
All three of us are, to one degree or another, farm women. Farm women tend to share a few traits. We’re a little different. We’re a little stubborn. We’re oftentimes a little stinky. (What can I say? Farm life creates some odors…) And we’re strong and independent. Farm life ain’t for sissies, no matter what level you farm. Anything from a hobby flock of chickens to 100 acres, farming requires hard work, hard decisions, and hard knocks. We’re not the only breed of strong women, but we’re a pretty unique bunch.
In short, farm women are not exactly delicate lilies swaying in the gentlest of breezes.
All this talk got me to thinking, and thinking leads to writing, and so here I am sharing with you some things strong women — especially strong farm women — want in a man. Obviously I can’t speak for every woman, as we each have our own individual needs, but I feel like these are some good starting points.
- Strong women require strong men. Not to “tame” us (don’t get me started) but to compliment us. To walk the journey of life together. Two people can’t travel through life together if one person can’t keep up with the other. Whether it’s carrying hay bales or carrying burdens, physical, mental, and emotional strength are necessary.
- Command respect. Note I said command, not demand. You can demand respect as loudly as the day is long, but until your character and your actions warrant it, you won’t get it. Respect goes a long, long way in a relationship and if you’re going to get it from a strong farm girl, you have to earn it. We aren’t impressed by posturing or showboating.
- Be honest. Keep your word and be dependable. Mean what you say and say what you mean; don’t falsely represent yourself to impress us. We won’t put up with any crap. We shovel that stuff on a regular basis, so we know it when we see it.
- Be patient. Let’s be honest here. You’re going to need a lot of patience. No, we probably don’t need another [insert animal or plant here], but we’re most likely going to get it anyway. Yes, we will be stubborn as a mule, ornery as a goat, pig-headed, moody as a mare, and sometimes mad as a bull seeing red. When we’re busy, we run around like a chicken with its head cut off. (We also know exactly what that looks like.) But hey, you’re lucky if we take to you like a duck to water!Also, be patient when trying to cross our fences. We know how to build them hog tight, horse high, and bull strong.
- Show initiative and take the lead. This doesn’t mean boss us around — that will not go over well. But we don’t want you to take a backseat to us, either. We are used to doing things ourselves, making decisions on our own, and basically being independent and self-reliant. However, we don’t want a relationship in which we constantly take the lead. We expect a man to be able to step into a leadership role, get stuff done, and be the first to take action sometimes. Jo Dee Messina said it well when she sang, “I want a man that stands beside me / not in front of or behind me.” Although, if someone is trying to mug us, please do stand in front. Just sayin’.
- Be ready and willing to commit. If there’s one thing farm girls are excellent at, it’s commitment. Think about it: taking care of livestock or crops requires a huge commitment. Day in and day out, we have to take care of our critters and/or land. Lives depend on us! We don’t chase whims at the drop of the hat, and we expect to receive the same commitment we give.
- Be steadfast. Sometimes we can be pulled in a million different directions by the thousand thoughts we have running through our heads and the seemingly endless list of things we must do. Be a compass pointing north. Be an anchor helping us to be still. Be a rock in a swift current. Knowing that you are [cue synonyms of steadfast] loyal, faithful, dependable, reliable, steady, and true is vital and it will help us quiet our minds.
- Understand that we don’t need you. We may want you a whole awful lot, but we don’t need you. We are strong independent women who don’t need no man! In all seriousness, however, there’s a good chance we’ve been single for a while. There’s a good chance we’re a little (or a lot) hard to win over. This isn’t because we play games or because we want to be single for the rest of our lives. It is because we recognize our self worth and we know what we need. If we know you’re not the right man for us, we won’t date you just for the sake of dating (which is a good thing in the long run).
- Be a 1 Corinthians 13/Proverbs 31 kind of man. Be patient. Be kind. Do not envy. Do not boast. Do not be proud. Honor others. Don’t be self-seeking. Control your temper. Don’t keep a record of wrongs. Rejoice with the truth. Always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
Are you scratching your head at the second part of my statement? That’s okay. Everyone always talks about the Proverbs 31 woman, and for good reason of course. But did you ever notice what her husband does? He has full confidence in her. As noble as she is, we know that no human can ever be perfect, yet her husband still places his trust in her. He allows her to conduct her own business. He is respected. He praises her. Sounds like a heck of man to me! And surely neither would be able to be what they are (noble and respected) if not for the encouragement and support received from each other.Oh, and you can throw in some Song of Solomon, too, if you’re feeling romantic. 😉
- Be firmly rooted. In faith, first and foremost, but in other areas as well. In relationship. In commitment. In character. In love. Just as a tree is held by its roots, so shall you be held by your roots during the storms of life, and by extension your family will be as well.
Even though this is far from my usual post, I enjoyed writing it! I hope you enjoyed reading it, too. And if you happen to see this perfect man walking around, point him in my direction! *wink wink*
Cheers
I happened on to your post while researching mini Nubian goats. It felt like coming home! I’ve been single almost ten years now and finally made it back to the country. Lived in the city helping my daughter with grandkids for the past 8 years but I longed for the country again. ( sold the country place in calif. moved to NOLA for 8 years, now bought a 35 acre farm an hour away in MS. Boy is this post granite solid! I am going to print it and save it! I’m sure it will well read on many occasions! I am 66 years old. Not looking for a man. (Last thing on my mind!) but you’ve described the farm woman mind set to a T. The husband? Better odds winning the lottery! Ha!